"James T. Kirk: 'KHHHAAAAAAAN!'"
- Star Trek II, The Wrath of Khan -
Chessington and Other Adventures! - Part 3
By Sue Griffiths
The day started officially at nine in the morning, however there was the simple fact that we had to get there first. I can get up early when I have to, but being out of bed at 6.10 in the morning was still a shock to the system!
Having had a large cup of coffee, it was time to go … We all met up at Waterloo station, where a strange sight greeted the many people coming and going that morning. Jedi Knights, Star Fleet officers, representatives of alien races,Stargate SG1 personnel … and a few civilians, too! You never know who you'll meet on one of these days out. I made sure I learned from previous experience,and did NOT wear my red Voyager uniform. My Stargate gear seemed to be a safer option this time round!!
We made our way to the train, probably scared a few people and sat ourselves down for the journey that would take us to our destination - Chessington World of Adventures! We weren't that sure what was in store for us this year. We've had sunny weather on previous outings - but there was one occasion where it rained so much we were soaked to the skin! The weather wasn't that bad when we got there, thankfully. We trooped into the theme park, then headed for one of the high points of the place - The Bubbleworks!
One problem - we didn't get to go on the Bubbleworks, due to some very stupid adult people making up stupid adult type rules saying that adults had to be accompanied by children. But … we are all kids! We just refuse to grow up! How could they not let us on?! OK, some of us kids are 40 years old, but that's just a mere technicality!
Oh, well - thankfully, there was still another favourite - the Tomb of Terror, now renamed the Forbidden Tomb. Much more appropriate. It's not actually scary - its a damn good laugh! So we jumped on and away we went! The on-going story in the tomb is of a treasure seeker looking for an emerald. The first part of the ride is where he tells everyone to go away … and that was when the damn ride broke down! Thanks a lot, pal!
However, we vowed to return and laugh at him all over again later on that day. What I want to know is - where was MacGyver when we needed him?! We should have realised that something was up when we smelt something funny. And the strange thing is that no-one had farted! The ride attendant said that it always smelt funny in there. Maybe the staff should lay off baked beans for breakfast - or ban anyone with a bean based diet from going on the ride!!
All was not lost. We headed off for a few other rides, including the Rodeo. I really do like that ride - it's not what could be called scary - it's more of an adrenaline rush than anything else. The same goes for the Runaway Mine train. That's not exactly scary - it's a roller coaster for chickens. In our case, it was literally a roller coaster for chickens! We found a way to entertain ourselves while we queued for ages. For some reason we ended up clucking like chickens for a good twenty minutes or so.
Dennis the Menace made an appearance in the Beanoland area - but he didn't hang around for long. Maybe he heard about the away team members and decided we were even more menacing than he was!
One of the other attractions at Beanoland was not the dodgems. It was not the chair ride, and it was not even Dennis's tree house.
It was our resident Jedi master, Buy-me-one-Gin, otherwise known as Corinne! She had to put up with endless requests from kids asking "Can I see yoursword?"and using her robe as a welcome mat!
I encountered a hazard that day. One of our members, Lorraine, loves Pokemon. Each to their own - that's fine. The only problem I had was when she bought a couple of large - and I mean large - Pokemon balloons. I was on bag guarding duty (Nero was having a well earned break from being guard dog!) and every now and again, these balloons would attempt to strangle me!
However, a solution was found - several phasers aimed at the offending Pokemon with the hopes they would keep the strange creatures in line!! It didn't work. Only moments later, they were making attempts on my life. What are they? Contract killers?!
Another source of amusement in Beanoland was the water bomb fights. It became a case of Star Trek vs Stargate. My aim was crap and I got soaked … but I wonder whether I was just in character. After all, I was just doing a convincing version of Daniel Jackson … it would be just like Daniel to get into trouble - or in this case, totally soaked! Well, that's my version events. I just don't want to admit to being a crap shot, that's all!!!!!
We returned to the Tomb of Terror, which was a good laugh. We didn't have to queue which was welcome, and away we went. The end of the ride features a rock song about the emerald hungry adventurer who told us to bugger off earlier on in the ride. Frankly, we didn't care what happened to him - we were more interested in the rather knackered looking Goa'uld system lords rocking their socks off! One of the high points about the Forbidden Tomb is getting to use our phasers on the ghouls and demons that are meant to scare the com badges off us! Have you heard the phrase "resistance is futile" A couple of our members decided that they weren't going to join in with the lunacy that is "doing me monkey" during the rock song at the end of the ride. They just sat there. For about two seconds - that was when they, too, were forced to succumb to the power of the Monkey!!
WE MUST STOP … DOING THE MONKEY!! WE MUST STOP … DOING THE MONKEY!! (No - it's no use! Resistance … really is … futile!) Here we have it. Proof that we are indeed, totally stark raving mad. But, just check out the fun we're having already!
Close to the ride of monkey related doom is Ramses Revenge. It's one of those rides that provides a great deal of entertainment. For its spectators. I'd hate the idea of going on it - but it's much more fun to watch the poor victims who climb aboard get soaked by water jets, get flipped around and in some cases, turn an odd shade oaleen!
Funnily enough, someone seemed to have glued a Stargate next to the ride - but they hadn't done a very good job. Someone had made off with most of the chevrons. And there wasn't a DHD in sight!
Somewhere along the line, we managed to squeeze lunch in, where I found out where a Jedi Knight gets his powers from … Kentucky Fried Chicken! There was also an excellent sweet shop, selling cotton candy and any sweet you could think of. Sadly, the chocolate shop was closed that day. Talk about cruelty! Don't they realise that some people just have to have chocolate to make it through he day? At least we got our sugar fix from the sweet shop!
We also tried out the Skytrain, a monorail that goes around the park. We got to see the sea lions, loads of trees, the Chessington pub, and had a birds eye view of the park itself. But they all paled into insignificance when the major find of the day was pointed out by Darren, another mad member of our - well, mad group. A DEAD JACKET!!
It was black, it was lying on the ground in a lush, green looking park and it was dead.But, just to make sure that it would not come back to life, jump on the ride and savage us, we all aimed phasers at it, set them to kill and fired! We escaped alive. I think that did the trick!
The true test of how good our day out had been came on the train back home.Everyone was falling asleep, having spent all their energy having a great day out. All except for our leader, Nero - he was his usual self, putting us to shame by being alert, bright eyed and bushy tailed!!
We went to the pub in the evening, which must have been good. For some reason, I can't remember that much about it!!
